I hate rollercoasters

 

Writing opens us up; it allows us to be our most basic human self. It makes us light. Writing strips away the armor that molds to my ribcage, restricting me…but no bird ever flew so high that it didn’t have to come down. Writing opens us up to criticism, failure, and as someone who chases the contrived idea of perfection, misunderstanding and negativity weigh me down. My elation quickly turns into a graceless descent: I sink. It seems like everything I’ve accomplished doesn’t matter.

I am not a robot. I am not impervious to insults and bad news and the roller coaster-ing emotions make me dizzy. But if I choose to shut myself off to this negativity, I limit my potential and the beauty that I am known to create. People do not tell me that they like my work because they know it’ll make me happy. They tell me because they feel that they should. This is not completely altruistic, but not totally selfish. I am thankful for those that encourage me. And I should be equally grateful for those that doubt me. They push me on. They help me to be better. This is not an uncommon feeling. I just had to get it out.

Image:  everythingsright.com

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5 thoughts on “I hate rollercoasters

  1. What I have had to learn is that neither praise nor criticism are truth. They are merely opinions. I’m not certain the right way to measure writing, but I suspect it is some inner voice that tells us how closely we’ve come to our vision – how near to the truth of the story we lie.

    I’ve begun to turn off that voice that needs others’ opinons – even the one that needs them to read. I no longer want polite, or simple reciprocity. Rather, I want to find my own voice. I need to learn to write beautifully. Over time, those who can connect to my voice – and I am certain they are there – will find it.

    If I’m lucky, I will be alive to meet them. I hope we all find our voices. Once we do, the chorus will be glorious.

  2. “How I pray is breathe…” wrote Thomas Merton, and I agree, but I’d also add, “How I praise is write.” If our creativity prays, praises, breathes, dances, paints–translates through us however it does–the act of writing/creating is more who we are than the product that results, which reflects only a “moment” of who we have been…I’m trying not to judge myself and therefore others so continuously. This is a hard choice in our culture, where everything has become a competition. (How many programs are there that feature young artists presenting their gifts in competition and inviting audiences to “vote” people out of the community based on comparisons and judgments?) This sends a scary message to even younger artists and those who’ve never allowed their spirits to respond to the artist within… Thank you for this reflection! Much to ponder. Keep on writing; keep on dancing; keep on breathing, being, praying.

  3. It’s nice to meet you @CinemaProfound. This is always an interesting subject, and I liked your take on it. As for me, I always say that writers cannot function without open commentary. If you can’t handle the haters, don’t put your writing out there. Keep it for a journal or a private, invitation only blog.

  4. Thank you for this post. I completely understand these feelings of wanting to write and share but with the risk of rejection and insults. 🙂 Keep on writing though, right?:)

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